Beloved

Beloved, why have you eluded me?
I have searched in earnest for you
Harnessed my passions,  Given you my body in surrender to your pleasure.
Brought a pure heart
And offered it time and time again in an act of devotion to you.
Annihilated my self in service to you.
Offered you words that reflect my heart, nature, the truth of my soul

And You were unmoved.

In futility, I brought  metal to wrist, ready to let blood
Thinking that this blood would reveal to you the depth of my pain
And surely would draw you to me.
    And you never came.
          
And I was left alone...
                                   ...All alone
Emptying out...
                          ...Dissolving in darkness
Laying down naked into this empty spot in my self...
                                                                                   ...Realizing I do not know any thing.
And in this darkness...a light flickered from deep within...pulsing...a rhythm that was familiar to every cell of my being...a rhythm that awakened my sleeping, wounded, shattered soul...

The rhythm that moves blood through my being.
And I finally rest in knowing...in the Beloved that had always been...
With In.