Looking....

As I impress on this keyboard my presence, I am reflecting on the time and experience that has passed through this being since it has been drawn to this space of writing. What I know is that I am here, now.  Noticing a desire to share some of what has transpired.   There has been much darkness, sadness, emptiness, spots of lightening, disorientation, doomsdaying,questioning faith, rejecting hope, thirsting, knowing, avoiding, embracing, letting go, clinging desperately, quiet, aloning, praying, pleading, loving, closing, waking, accepting what is, questioning everything, sleeping....HEALING....DYING.

Sometimes I read past posts, or journaling and wonder, "Who wrote that?" or "Where is that person?"...and I begin to realize.....that person, part of me is gone....just as these words are gone the second I impress them here..the second they are captured and transmitted.  I am humbled by the realization through this all that I am no more or less enlightened than any one or thing. No more enlightened than the homeless man who washes in the bathroom at work, the doctor who offers their medicine to the patients in need....I have created an artificial space between me and the world only identifying as like those that are seeking in the way that I am...participating in society in the way that I am...manifesting in the way I wish to manifest.

I am learning to reference less in the external world.  Wait less for some one or thing to rescue me from my self, rest more into what is here..no matter how light or dark